


Protostar

by YuriPirozhki (AceOfSpace)



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Costume Designer AU, Elite Skater Yuuko, Gen, Injury, Open Ending, Sad Katsuki Yuuri, YOI Twitter Collab, Yuuri being excellent with a sketchpad, Yuuri's Distant Fanboy Crush on Viktor, soft angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 11:12:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11206917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceOfSpace/pseuds/YuriPirozhki
Summary: protostar (prəʊtəʊstɑ) - noun - a star at the earliest stage of formation, still gathering mass from its parent molecular cloud-One way or another, everything must come to an end. Even stars burn out. However a new, sometimes even brighter star, will always appear in its place.Yuuri Katsuki uses the remnants of his old dreams to build a new one.





	Protostar

**Author's Note:**

> Part one of the team fic project for @yoicollabs 'I See Stars' AU challenge on Twitter.
> 
> Part two: [keep my flame burning](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11205999) by [ silakbo ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/silakbo/pseuds/silakbo)
> 
> Part three: [ I Didn't Know I Was Lonely Until I Saw Your Face ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11204982) by [ totaldislocation ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/totaldislocation/pseuds/totaldislocation)

Yuuri Katsuki is roused from unconsciousness, and awakens in a bed that’s not his own. The walls around him are not the familiar ones of his bedroom, nor are the itchy blankets or the bright lights that pierce his vision and make his eyes sting. There isn’t much that he can remember. He struggles to pinpoint where he is, or even how much time has passed, although the pieces begin to fit together as he sees more of his surroundings. At his bedside is his mother, a pained expression on her face that only emerges during family emergencies. His childhood best friend, Yuuko, is pacing from one side of the room to the other, her knuckles wedged between her teeth as she appears to be holding back tears. A tall man in a white coat advances towards the bed with a clipboard firmly in his hands and a stern expression etched to his brow. He is rather quick to bring Yuuri up to speed.

He needs nothing repeated, nor does he have any questions. He knows what a torn ACL is; for a professional athlete such as himself, it’s amongst the worst news he could possibly receive. Although the function of his knee can be mostly restored with rehabilitation and surgery, it means the end of his elite figure skating career, or a major hindrance to his goals at the very least. It means having to give up his dreams of Olympic gold and international titles. It means letting go of his hopes to share the ice with skaters he’s idolised since childhood. He is never going to skate with Viktor Nikiforov, the Russian living legend whom he’s had a crush on for a number of years, although it isn’t something that Yuuri will admit so easily.

The throbbing in his knee and his head are numbed with painkillers, but the pain in his heart cannot be helped as it breaks. The world he has come to know has shattered around him, and he has never felt more lost.

“Yuuri,” his mother asks gingerly, “Have you given thought to other things you’d like to do? With your career?”

Of course he hasn’t. 

However in the weeks that pass, he quickly comes to realise that it wouldn’t be such a bad idea. The ice that so recently had given him calm is now only bringing frustration. His jumps are more cautious and under rotated. He knows that he already had to work a lot to reach the calibre of his competitors, and any hopes of doing so again are quickly erased from his mind. There’s no chance of getting to such an elite level again, he convinces himself. Far younger than he ever would have expected, Yuuri formally retires, and it crushes him. After the decision is made, he does not feel better, but only encompassed by failure, like if disappointment took human form. He knows that those close to him will not treat him differently, but he knows that he will never be the star he should have been. Though he knows that even stars burn out in time, he had always thought that he would shine so much brighter, and cast a bigger light on the world.

Time passes faster than Yuuri can comprehend yet he can’t bring himself to leave Hasestu Ice Castle. Even years after his retirement, he finds calm in gliding across the ice when no one else is around, escaping into his mind and dreaming of what his life could have been had things turned out differently. He spends the bulk of his time rinkside, watching his friends improve and flashing nostalgic smiles their way when he catches their eyes. Sometimes he sheds a tear when he thinks too much, but he manages to hide it well. It’s not all sad, anyway. There are moments when he watches children land new jumps for the first time, and it’s beautiful. He’s often blown away by the way that Yuuko’s skill is advancing in leaps and bounds. He is proud. Still, he wants more than anything to be skating with her, matching her skill and playfully competing with her like they used to do as children. If he attempted such a thing now, he’d likely end up destroying his knee again. Instead, he remains off the ice. He knows better than to show off, especially in a competition that he would certainly lose.

Yuuri’s gaze falls to the notebook in his hands. He wonders what his therapist would think if he saw just how few words were scrawled across the pages. He is supposed to be writing about his feelings, and his plans for a future in which he won’t be skating. Instead, he draws. In a reality where he cannot take to the ice like he once could, where he cannot leap towards the stars and feel the cool air on his face as he twirled midair, he skates in his book. Yuuri draws pictures of himself wearing gold medals and crowns of roses. He draws himself in his old costumes and in the costumes of his idols. Through the art of sketching, he places himself in an old costume of Viktor Nikiforov’s, a tight black and silver outfit that shimmered under stage lights and oozed a kind of sex appeal that he couldn’t explain. Yuuri wonders he would really look like in such a costume, and it’s that thought that drives him to take up sewing, but he knows that he must start with more simple things.

Still using his skating idols for inspiration, he begins to design his own costumes. He starts with simpler concepts in the hopes that he can wear his own creations. He draws ladies’ outfits with Yuuko in mind, even more so after he catches her looking over his shoulder. He finds himself blushing slightly upon hearing her compliments, fiercely believing them to be exaggerated and undeserved. Still, he decides that he is going to thank her in some way for her support. As she started making a name for herself on the international scene, Yuuri would become her biggest fan, like she would have done for him if things were different.

He is almost twenty when his gift for Yuuko is ready. Turquoise and sky blue, the skating dress he’s fashioned for her resembles a calm ocean in hue, and the combination of fabrics and embellishments mean that it will glimmer with each of her movements. He finishes it in time for her twenty-first birthday, and the look of gratitude and surprise on her face makes every hour of work worth it. She squeezes him tightly and his face grows red. Had she not been married, she would have been his dream girl. 

Yuuri watches with interest as she holds the dress in front of her, taking in the details of his craftsmanship. It’s been a long time since he’s experienced such a level of pride, knowing that he has created something that brought joy to others. It is something he hasn’t felt since his days as an up-and-coming skater himself, and the way he feels his heart bloom only confirms in his mind that he’ll sew for her again. He wants to sew for her a hundred times, and maybe for himself, someday.

“You put stars in this,” Yuuko comments, a thin smile at her lips.

“Of course I did,” he replies. He knows exactly what she means.

“ _My_ star,” she says to herself as she holds the dress to her chest, “Like I used to call you.”

“So I’ll always be with you on the ice.”

“Like you should have been.”

Yuuri smiles weakly and looks towards the floor. It’s hard for him to hide his sadness in that moment. Even though his injury was in the distant past, he still yearns for the life that Yuuko has. She has world titles and an incredible career. She has a picture-perfect marriage and a legion of fans who love her dearly. Yuuri only has his sketchpad, his sewing machine, and his dreams. Even those dreams had to be modified and toned down. They weren’t his truest hopes, the ones for which his heart yearned. Yuuri has new dreams now, and they’re good enough.

“It’s the next best thing,” he assures her before sighing. It really is, he convinces himself.

Yuuko wears her birthday present on the ice at Worlds, and Yuuri can hardly believe it. He watches her rinkside, shocked to think that his creation is being displayed to an audience of thousands, and that his friend likes it enough to bring him such happiness. She shines on the ice like a star, and it’s not because of the embellishments on her skirt. It’s because of the grace with which she flawlessly executes her jumps, the poise she radiates as she glides through her step sequences. It’s because of all of the discipline and work it took to get to such a level. Yuuri catches her eye as she strikes her final pose. He smiles. 

He doesn’t get to see her after the competition ends, for the press and her fans have come in demand for her attention. Of course, Yuuri understands, but he wishes he could tell her in person just how wonderful she was on the ice. He supposes that a text will have to do.

He removes his phone from his pocket to find a surprising message. It’s from Yuuko. Surely she’s too busy to pay him mind right now, he thinks. He reads the message anyway, figuring they can talk properly later.

_[TEXT] YUURI!~ Guess who loves your design?! Sara Crispino! IKR?! Also Minami from the Japanese team was wondering if you do commissions??? Thanks for watching me! Ttyl xo_

Yuuri doesn’t know if it’s possible to be starstruck via text message, but that’s what he’s feeling. He stares at the device in his hands and remains fixated on the screen for a few seconds. It can’t be real, he tells himself. Someone wants to pay for one of his designs? International skaters are praising his work? He feels it’s too good to be true. Still, he clings to the positive feeling it brings him. He feels that he’s done something worthwhile and good, and it warms him from the inside like a hot pork cutlet bowl. All of a sudden, it occurs to him that he can do more than this. He can make design his new goal. He can study it formally and bring his ideas to more people than he thought imaginable. It would be his new dream after his skating career came to an abrupt and tragic halt.

Yuuri Katsuki knows that stars burn out. Still, a new one will always rise in its place. 

This is the beginning of Yuuri Katsuki, costume designer.


End file.
